growing up

i realised, growing up's hard?
laugh at me for being slow but i
dont think i realised how life changes
how it changes people & perspectives
it all adds up and sums up to, God?
God made growing up a process
for some, tough but for others,
living in luxury & whatsoever
i dont know how or why
but i somehow just got sick of
living life the way i always did
not that i'm not satisfied with my life
well, i know God IS life but
i just dont know how else to live it
talk about having faith, trust & hope
its all in me and its not going anywhere

talk about maturity, i need a break
somehow, that doesnt seem to matter
but yet, its so important?
especially when it comes to responsibility
there are expectations & of course,
responsibilities and everything else
havent i had enough of that
like, whats going on here?
didnt i do this before
didnt i go through this before
didnt i get hurt because i did this before?
oh please, dont get me involved yet again
i really dont know what to do everytime
i have to put up with myself
all the things i tell others,
dont seem applicable to my own life

yet again, it does, i'm just not listening

"God speaks all the time but
we dont listen all the time"
Pastor David Palmer said that
i didnt know what else to do except
to stop talking & just sit there
to actually listen
for once, its enough about me
life was never about me, so why
doesnt it revolve around God instead?
God created us in His image
God listens, He shares & cares
i'd really love to learn how to do
that too
choosing & believing is different
choosing requires decisions
and i, dont like making them
call me fickle, call me indecisive
but who likes making decisions?

believing, a great & powerful word
talk about faith, talk about love
sometimes i lack the faith
sometimes i find it hard to love
but thats all part & parcel of life
life, a short, four letter word

that holds so much meaning

you might sense a little negativity
but i believe it's not any of that
i'm just going through a small part
of a really huge process
there must be more than this
seriously, i know that
but i want to learn how to thank God
in the midst of confusion
in the midst of tight schedules
in the midst of life & life itself
i need to learn how to be thankful
for family, friends, love, faith
everything else that makes life, life
not forgetting joy & peace that comes
with the whole package
it encourages me when i know my smile
brings a smile on someone else's face
so why not try doing it more often?

one more thing,
i'm sorry to those i've always seemed
too busy & caught up to talk to?
just because i think i dont have time
for them (thats not true)
guess i really should take a good
look at myself
God created all man with a sinful nature
everyone has a part of them thats imperfect
guess thats where i'm going wrong
so do accept my apology?
irregardless of whether you mind or not
thank you for bearing & putting up with me

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me